Readers,

Lift the curtains from that stage of your mental theater and picture with me: I stand on the second-floor balcony of my Soviet-era-prison-like dormitory on the last night before this semester’s end. My best friend on campus sits on my right and a lot of glorious air where my date once stood rises on my left (I prefer the air). There’s an extremely pleasant drizzle of rain coming down before me, a set of tired, thoroughly danced-out legs beneath me, and Yeah, that electrifying kind of atmosphere that only Rain can bring is blowin’ in my face and I’m smilin’ so wide it hurts ’cause my teeth are pressin’ down too hard on the big ol’ cigar firmly clamped betwixt my jaws.

What? Oh no, uh uh, you heard me just right Mom: I said I’m a-smokin’ a cigar. Friend of mine gave it to me in the spirit of Celebration and I took it. Not because I really wanted to, and not because I was afraid he’d think I wasn’t cool, and certainly not because of the health benefits Modern Science has ascribed to your typical stogie (“Demon Possession”); just ‘cuz it was a cigar, and I was on top of the world, and what people do in the movies when they’re on top of the world is they light a cigar. The shameful truth of it all is just felt like completing the image.

So I’ll bet by now you think this new sheet is another tirade againt anti-smoking laws, huh? Not in the least, Compadres; We Theocrats have done one of those fairly recently, so we’re honestly a little burned out on the subject. Plus, in the frame of mind I’m currently in (think Shawshank Redemption’s escape scene) there’s no way I’d care to discuss anything that depressing.

I’ll just talk about my favorite television show instead and figure on the really big issues still being here when I’m done.

FOX’S 24 AS CULTURE CONDUIT

If you’re not watching this program (Mon. 9PM EST), you’ve at least heard of it. “24″ is the action-suspense show so successful that even after its last three hugely popular seasons, it’s managed to increase its audience this year by 36%. Now that’s whopping growth any business would envy.

And frankly, the show deserves it: Speaking as both your typical viewer and as a fiction writer, the show’s gimmicks could never have carried this production beyond its initial hype and reception. That it’s prospered as it has beyond its introduction is testament to the continual first-class nature of its performance and the writing underneath it.

Here’s the thing, though: Quality only allows a product (or anything else, even a cultural phenomenon, like a religion or political party) to be prepared to supply the need of the market, as we all should know. That need, be it physical or intellectual or emotional, is never created by the product. Conservative Judaism did not grow strong in America because it was just a good idea; it grew strong because after the Holocaust and Israeli independence, more Jews had Zionist sympathies, and no other Judaic denomination supported that. So 24‘s a great show, sure, but why is it satisfying such a gigantic section of its market?

Even the people who’ve never thought about this probably know the answer: 24‘s the Rush Limbaugh of prime-time television.

Americans get all the sex and violence they could possibly want (judging from recent backlashes, even more than they want) from today’s television networks. But terrorists who actually look like today’s terrorists? Associated threats of nuclear war? Torture on suspects who just won’t talk? This is forbidden fruit (real-world fruit, like it or not), long declared by interest groups too harmful for a fragile-minded viewing public. It’s so taboo among the creators at Hollywood that even the movie adaptation of Tom Clancy’s The Sum of All Fears replaced the Muslims with those safe and reliable Nazis.

Which is why when (naturally) Rupert Murdoch’s corporation created an outlet through which a starved population could receive this content, 24‘s viewership skyrocketed-because that kind of content fills a gigantic cultural need. Fox’s executives saw it for what it was: a no-brainer. Like Limbaugh in the 1980s-1990s, 24 has served a very underserved clientele.

As for the people who complain that this is irresponsible, I don’t think they understand how valid and real Americans’ need for such an outlet is. Americans today worry about biological weapons and Muslim extremism, and they ask themselves how far they are willing to go to protect themselves from those threats, a question 24 consistently raises. Some cynically consider it propaganda, but the truth is, fictional characters provide a catharsis as well, and it’s the expectation that they not deal with the real world that is out of place.

Fictional characters have always dealt with the real world. It’s sometimes forgotten, but back when tales of evil spirits, dragons, and the like were first created, the people who told those stories believed in those things. They were addressing the concerns of their time. Why shouldn’t today’s stories do the same? One could, I suppose, make the argument that Fiction isn’t a proper arena for such discussion, but let’s be frank: Groups like CAIR aren’t particularly interested in the mode of discussion. They’re just indignant that there is one. Suggestions in the real world that terrorism of late is a uniquely Muslim (and very much Arab) problem are no more tolerated.

That’s ultimately why I and millions of others locate a television set every Monday night at 9EST (or at least make sure someone’s recording): because we feel no other program appears willing to honestly acknowledge the new reality around us, or the fears we have about it. For recognizing that writing on the wall and responding to it, the cast, crew, and producers of 24 deserve every dollar they’re going to make.

Ah, another season of 24, nearly gone by… It’s almost enough to make a man not want to light his cigar, y’know?

READY, SET…

Well, nuts to that. Summer’s here and we at Theocrats are gearing up for it. Being founded by college-age cyberjournalists, Summer’s the traditional time of year when Theocrats.com sees its most activity. Check out the archives from last year and you’ll see the bulk of our articles were written and published during three sunny months.

In preparation for our one-year anniversary, Amadeus and I will in particular be focusing on a series of articles which codify basic tenets of our Theocratic beliefs, the support beams of our platform, if thou wilt. A new article on Homosexuality will probably appear soon as well, since none of us here were particularly satisfied with how that one turned out.

Time to start packing up for the drive home, I guess. We’ll talk later, ‘Crats and Sprats.

Yours Truly,

$

PS: Your suggestion I gargle with Lysol is noted. No worries. I didn’t particularly like it and I doubt I’ll do it again.