Archive for June, 2004

Open Letter to Al-Qa'ida

June 30th, 2004 by Joe Martin

From a Marine officer on the Iraqi warfront with Jihadistan… ( The Federalist ) (This is an open letter to Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, “Islamic Response,” and the rest of the so-called al-Qa’ida “insurgents” in Iraq and elsewhere. We don’t have an e-mail address for these swine — though we are closing in on their snail-mail [...]

Should You Vote? Take Our Quiz!

June 29th, 2004 by Adam Volle

Dear Readers, In 2004, many Americans will once more face the question of whether they should vote on Election Day. Fortunately, unlike other Americans, you no longer have to angst over the issue. That’s because we at Theocrats.com have devised the following simple quiz for your benefit. To determine whether or not you should vote, [...]

The Art of Apologizing

June 28th, 2004 by Adam Volle

Dear Readers, You didn’t do anything wrong, of course. You firmly believe that, and no holier-than-thou sonuvapreach’a man is going to change your mind by thumping his Bible and talking garbage about ‘values’, ‘decency’, and other antiquated concepts of the Absolutist. Unfortunately, that doesn’t change the fact that what you have right now is what [...]

The Slope, Illustrated

June 27th, 2004 by Adam Volle

Dear Readers, Recently (“Sparing President Clinton”, posted 06-22-04), I opined to you that Democrats were correct in their protests that President Clinton should not have been threatened with the loss of his office for his private misconduct. I supported this assertion in the article, which is accessible under our “Hot Sheets” archive, but I’ll quote [...]

Strolling Through Queens

June 26th, 2004 by Adam Volle

Dear Readers, Instead of my usual Hot Sheet of commentary, today I’m providing an entry from my personal journal for your perusal. The entry details my experiences earlier this year during a layover in Queens, New York. It is my hope you’ll find this journal entry to be interesting reading for one or both of [...]

"My Beggar!"

June 25th, 2004 by Adam Volle

Dear Readers, I exited 285 onto Kipling today and halted my car’s descent at the red light, flipped on my turn signal, waited. As I waited, I heard the playing of a saxophone, and noticed with some surprise a young man underneath the intersection’s stop sign. He was playing his instrument and had taped to [...]

My Parents

June 24th, 2004 by Adam Volle

I heard the world’s greatest news on the radio tonight, so great I confess I instantly, there in my car, roared, and I hooted, and I laughed maniacally and I car-danced, I didn’t clap because hey, I was driving, for crying out loud, not that you could tell by the way I almost hit the [...]

Sparing President Clinton

June 22nd, 2004 by Adam Volle

Dear Readers, With this last week’s high-profile release of President Clinton’s autobiography, “My Life”, today appears an excellent opportunity to deliver a much-ignored perspective concerning President Clinton’s controversy: I speak, of course, of that of History.

Practical Planks #1

June 20th, 2004 by Joe Martin

Introduction Nothing is more certain than the indispensable necessity of government, and it is equally undeniable, that whenever and however it is instituted, the people must cede to it some of their natural rights in order to vest it with requisite powers. John Jay Before we can properly debate political theories, plans, or structures we [...]

"I'm A Reporter, Not A Pawn!"

June 19th, 2004 by Adam Volle

Dear Readers, My father has a quirk which surfaces whenever he watches a movie: Whenever he notices a hidden advertisement (or “plug”) for a product, he brings it to everyone else’s attention. For instance, the hero of an adventure flick might leap into a Wrangler for a highspeed forest chase, and my father will say: [...]